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English Joke: A Dog Cleaning

Posted by Junichi Kawagoe on 13.2010 英語のジョーク English Jokes   0 comments   0 trackback

(A Dog Cleaning)

A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in
the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets.

The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination
could be playing tricks on him. The dog looked up and said, "Don't
be surprised. This is just part of my job."

"Incredible!" exclaimed the man. "I can't believe it! Does your boss
know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!"

"No, no," pleaded the dog. "Please don't! If he finds out I can talk,
he'll make me answer the phone as well!"

サイト『Basic Jokes』より出典1kb-sozai-162_20101213112519.gif

English Joke: Do you speak English?

Posted by Junichi Kawagoe on 05.2010 英語のジョーク English Jokes   0 comments   0 trackback
Tag :English Joke 英語 ジョーク
Do you speak English?


で も、現実にはフランス人も他の国と同じで、英語で話しかければ一生懸命その言葉で答えようと努力してくれるそうです。ただ、英語が流暢に話せるフランス人 は、一般的にそれほど多いわけではないとも聞いたことがあります。すみません、実際のところは知りませんが。そういう理由からも、また、一部の差別意識 や、過剰な愛国心、英国語圏に対する偏見などから、フランス人の英語やその他の言語に対するイメージが出来てしまい、このようなジョーク?のビデオが面白 がられているのかもしれません。

すみません T_T

(^_-)-☆ また、教えてくださいね。

English Joke: Small Town Stop

Posted by Junichi Kawagoe on 15.2010 英語のジョーク English Jokes   0 comments   0 trackback

Small Town Stop

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "Officer," the man began, "I can explain."

"No explanation needed!" snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I have to tell you something." The man tried again.

"Just keep quiet! You're going to jail and I'm notinterested in what you have to say!" the officer barked.

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm
the groom."

Cited from http://www.basicjokes.com/djoke.php?id=691

English Joke: Retail Experience

Posted by Junichi Kawagoe on 09.2010 英語のジョーク English Jokes   0 comments   0 trackback
Rossi was the manager of an upscale men's wear store in a wealthy section of town and was interviewing Abe for the recently advertised salesman role.

Rossi looks at Abe's resume and notices that Abe has never worked in retail before.

Rossi says to Abe, "What chutzpah, if you don't mind me saying. For someone with no retail experience, you are certainly asking for a high salary."

"Well I suppose I am," Abe replies, "but you must understand that the work is so much harder when you don't know what you're doing."

Cited from

English Joke: Questioning A Lawyer's Personal Integrity

Posted by Junichi Kawagoe on 18.2010 英語のジョーク English Jokes   0 comments   0 trackback
Questioning A Lawyer's Personal Integrity

An investment counselor went out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, and so she began interviewing young lawyers.

"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward and continued, "Mr. Peterson, are you an honest lawyer?"

"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."

"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."

Basic Jokes

English Joke: Three women are about to be executed

Posted by Junichi Kawagoe on 27.2010 英語のジョーク English Jokes   0 comments   0 trackback
Three women are about to be executed

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a
redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if
she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts,
"Ready... Aim..."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and
looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner
asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner
shouts, "Ready... Aim..."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is
startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did.

The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has
any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts,
"Ready... Aim..."

The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

                  (サイト『Basic Jokes』より出典)

English Joke

Posted by Junichi Kawagoe on 16.2010 英語のジョーク English Jokes   0 comments   0 trackback

It's a very simple operation

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"

He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'"

"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"

"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"

Free drinks for everyone

Posted by Junichi Kawagoe on 03.2010 英語のジョーク English Jokes   0 comments   0 trackback
Free drinks for everyone

One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the
bartender: "Drinks for all on me including you, bartender."

So the bartender follows the man's orders and says: "That will be
$36.50 please." The drunk says he has no money so the bartender
slaps him around and throws him out.

The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a drink for
everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender
follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money. So
the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for all
except the bartender.

"What, no drink for me?" replies the bartender.

"Oh, no. You get violent when you drink."

                  (サイト『Basic Jokes』より出典)

Brain Transplant

Posted by Junichi Kawagoe on 26.2010 英語のジョーク English Jokes   0 comments   0 trackback
今朝のメルマガより1kb-sozai-067.gif To unsubscribe: 笑える英語1kb-sozai-162.gif

「中古品の価格づけ」(Brain Transplant)

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where
their family member lay gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid
I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried
faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a
brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky and
you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a
great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain

The Doctor quickly responded, "$25,000 for a male brain, and $3,000
for a female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile,
avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.

A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question
everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and said to the entire
group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down
the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."

                  (サイト『Basic Jokes』より出典)



English Joke: The Study

Posted by Junichi Kawagoe on 12.2010 英語のジョーク English Jokes   0 comments   0 trackback
A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than
men. He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000
words per day, whereas women use 20,000 words per day.

His wife thought about this for a while. She then told her husband
that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat
everything they say.

Her husband looked stunned. He said "What?"

サイト: Basic Jokes より

「大人のやり方」(Wise Uncle Rusty)

Posted by Junichi Kawagoe on 28.2010 英語のジョーク English Jokes   0 comments   0 trackback
英語のジョーク English Joke

Wise Uncle Rusty 賢いラスティおじさん

Uncle Rusty is a wise man. A while back he retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and quiet, puttering around his work shop.

That is of course until the school year began. On the first day of school three young boys, full of pent up energy from a full day of school, came down his street. As they walked down the street they beat rhythmically on every trash can they passed.

Day after day, it was the same thing. Beating, clanging and pounding out a rhythm on the cans as they walked down the street. Poor Uncle Rusty just couldn't take it any more.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young musicians. As they worked their way down the street, pounding out a tune on the cans, Rusty stopped them and said, "You kids sure are having a lot of fun. I like seeing young people like you, express themselves. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do
me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang up job on the trash cans.

After two days, Uncle Rusty greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad expression on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."

The boys were not pleased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon concert.

A couple of days later, Sly Uncle Rusty approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

With words that would ensure he would have peace and quiet from that day forward he said "Look, my Social Security check just isn't stretching as far with the expenses. So I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents a day. Will that be okay?"

"What?! Just a crummy quarter?" the boys exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!"

『Basic Jokes』より

What a funny story!

English Joke

Posted by Junichi Kawagoe on 16.2010 英語のジョーク English Jokes   0 comments   0 trackback
(Do you know what day this is?)

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you
don't know what day this is."

"Of course I do," he indignantly answered. "How could you think I
would forget?
" Whereupon he left for the office.

At 10 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she
was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM,
a foil wrapped, two-pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived.
Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't
wait for her husband to come home.

"First the flowers, then the chocolate and then the dress!" she
exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful 'Arbor Day' in all my

                  (サイト『Basic Jokes』より出典)

kyaha.gif これはおもしろい!!

Arbor Day「みどりの日、植樹の日。春頃(州によって変わる)に祝う」
 発音は「アーバー デイ」
 arbor はラテン語で「木」

How could you think I would forget? 「僕がわすれると思うかい!?」


Posted by Junichi Kawagoe on 30.2010 英語のジョーク English Jokes   0 comments   0 trackback

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「高齢化社会になったから大変だぞ」 なんて経済評論家が騒いでいますが、本当ですかねぇ

Posted by Junichi Kawagoe on 15.2010 英語のジョーク English Jokes   0 comments   0 trackback
英文記事が難しい方は、解題内にある、have got と have gotten の違いだけでも目を通していただけると幸いです。





(Now where'd that ball go?)

"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy.

"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad,
I couldn't see where the ball went."

"You're seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife. "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"

"But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore,"
protested Jack.

"Yes, but he's got perfect eyesight and can watch your ball for you," Tracy pointed out.

The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Did you see where it went?" asked Jack.

"Yup," Scott answered.

"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.

"I forgot." Scott said.

                  (サイト『Basic Jokes』より出典)

■単語の解説  (*印はその前の母音にアクセント)





・point out「[動]指摘する」

・tee off「[動](ゴルフで)ティーショットを打つ、ホールの第1打目を











have got と have gotten の違いについて説明します。

got=gotten ですから、どちらも同じだろうと思いがちですが、英語では2つを使い分けています。

・have got = have / possess (持つ / 所有している)
・have gotten = have received / have acquired (受け取っている)

つまり have gotten には受け身のニュアンスがあります。

本文中“my eyesight has gotten so bad”では、「年のせいで、悪く

“he has got perfect eyesight”では、ごく単純な所有(=have)を

路地裏の猫ろびeigo! 参加募集中!(Hapon)
Don't hesitate to join us !!


Posted by Junichi Kawagoe on 18.2010 英語のジョーク English Jokes   0 comments   0 trackback
(Chair Philosophy)

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam
after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor
picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board:
"Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this
chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious
fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to
refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however,
was up and finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group
wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written
anything at all.

His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"

                  (サイト『Basic Jokes』より出典)

 1.One member was finished ….(終えていた)
 2.One menber finished ….(終えた)

1は形容詞 (be) finished「済んでいる、終えている」。2は動詞 finish

have got はイコール have ですが、have gotten は何でしょう?
got と gotten に違いは無さそうですが、わざわざ使い分ける意味がある

 ・have got = have / possess (持つ / 所有している)
 ・have gotten = have received / have acquired (受け取っている)


「裁判官の職業倫理」(Ethical Behavior)

Posted by Junichi Kawagoe on 14.2010 英語のジョーク English Jokes   0 comments   0 trackback




「裁判官の職業倫理」(Ethical Behavior)

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking
to his lawyer.

"If I lose this case, I'll be ruined."

"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.

"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"

"Oh no! This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior. A stunt like
that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in
contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge."

Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of
the defendant.

As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer,
"Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked!"

"I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them."

"But, I did send them."

"What? You did?" said the lawyer, incredulously.

"Yes. That's how we won the case."

"I don't understand," said the lawyer.

"It's easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but enclosed the
plaintiff's business card."

                  (サイト『Basic Jokes』より出典)

■単語の解説  (*印はその前の母音にアクセント)

 もとは e*thic「[名](普通は複数形で)倫理」。

 もとは beha*ve「[動](正しく)振る舞う」(発音:ビヘ*イヴ)。






・stickler for (something)「[名](…が大事だと)こだわる人、


・pre*judice (somebody:A) against (somebody/something:B)「[動]
( B )への偏見を( A )に与える、良くない先入観を抱かせる」
 語源は pre-(前もって)+judice(判断)。


 “contempt of court”で「法廷侮辱罪」。
 「法廷侮辱罪で/として」というときは前置詞 in を使います。

・in the course of time「時が経って、やがて」


 もとは deci*de「[動]決心する」(発音:ディサ*イド)。

・in favor of (somebody/something)「…に賛成して、…を支持して」





・business card「[名](仕事上の)名刺」



the tip だと気付きません。「やっぱり、ダメか…」なんて。


Weather Indian

Posted by Junichi Kawagoe on 06.2010 英語のジョーク English Jokes   0 comments   0 trackback





■今週のジョーク「天気を読む力」(Weather Indian)

A film crew was on location deep in the desert.

One day an Old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow
rain." The next day it rained.

A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said,
"Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.

"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his
secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after
several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for
two weeks.

Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene
tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will
the weather be like?"

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio

                  (サイト『Basic Jokes』より出典)

■単語の解説  (*印はその前の母音にアクセント)

 類義語 climate(クラ*イメト)は「気候、(地域一帯の年間を通じての)
気象条件」。現在問題となっているのは climate change(気候変動)。


 on location で「野外撮影(地)で、ロケで」。

 「食後のデザート」は desse*rt。発音は「ディザ*ート」。

 hail は「[名]雹、霰(あられ)、雨のように降る氷」。





 predict の名詞形。

・send for (somebody)「[動](人に)来てもらうよう頼む」

 発音は「シュ*ート」。活用は -shot(ショ*ット)-shot。


・depe*nd on (somebody/something)「[動]…次第である、…で決まる、
 発音は「ディペ*ンド オン」。







Weather Indian         お天気インディアン
→ジョークだからOK。本来は Native American と言うべき。

A film crew was        ある映画の(撮影)チームが…だった
on location          野外撮影をしている
deep in the desert.      砂漠の奥深くで

One day            ある日
an Old Indian         1人の年取ったインディアンが
went up            (向こうまで)行った
to the director        その監督のところへ
and said,           そして言った
"Tomorrow rain."        明日、雨
The next day          その次の日
it rained.          雨が降った

A week later,         1週間後
the Indian went up       そのインディアンが(向こうまで)行った
to the director        その監督のところへ
and said,           そして言った
"Tomorrow storm."       明日、嵐
The next day          その次の日
there was a hailstorm.    雹を伴う嵐があった

"This Indian is        このインディアンは…です
incredible,"          信じられないほどすごい
said the director.       その監督は言った
He told            彼は告げた
his secretary         彼の秘書に
to hire            雇うよう
the Indian           そのインディアンを
to predict           予報するよう
the weather.          そこの(=the)天気を
However,            しかし
after             …の後
several            いくつかの
successful predictions,    成功した予報
the old Indian         その年取ったインディアンは
didn't show up         姿を見せなかった
for two weeks.        2週間

Finally            とうとう
the director sent       その監督は送った
for him.            彼を求めて(→彼を呼びにやった)
"I have to shoot        私は撮影しなければならない
a big scene          ある大事な場面を
tomorrow,"           明日
said the director,       その監督は言った
"and              そして
I'm depending         私は頼りにしている
on you.            あなたを
What              何ですか
will the weather be      天気はなるでしょう
like?"            どんな感じに?

The Indian shrugged      そのインディアンはすくめた
his shoulders.         彼の両肩を
"Don't know,"         知らん
he said.            彼は言った
"Radio broken."        ラジオ壊れた







Posted by Junichi Kawagoe on 28.2009 英語のジョーク English Jokes   0 comments   0 trackback





        (A man wants to borrow $2,000 for three weeks...)

A man walks into a New York City bank and says he wants to borrow
$2,000 for three weeks.

The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man
says "I've got a Rolls Royce -- keep it until the loan is paid off
-- here are the keys."

The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank's
underground parking for safe keeping, and gives the man $2,000.

Three weeks later the man comes into the bank, pays back the $2,000
loan, plus $10 interest, and regains possession of the Rolls Royce.
The loan officer asks him, "Sir, if I may ask, why would a man who
drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow two thousand dollars?"

The man answers, "I had to go to Europe for three weeks, and where
else could I store a Rolls Royce for that long for ten dollars?"

                  (サイト『Basic Jokes』より出典)

■単語の解説  (*印はその前の母音にアクセント)


 発音は「コラ*テラル」。語源は col(一緒に)+lateral(側面の)。
collateral damage =軍事行動で副次的に生じた民間の被害。

・pay off「[動](借金などを)完済する、返済し終える」






A man walks          ある男性が歩く
into a New York City bank   あるニューヨーク市の銀行へ
and says            そして言う
he wants            彼は欲する
to borrow           借りるよう
$2,000             2千ドルを
for three weeks.        3週間

The loan officer asks him   そのローン担当の幹部は彼に尋ねる
what kind of collateral    どんな種類の担保を
he has.            彼は持っている(か)
The man says          その男性は言う
"I've got           私は持っている
a Rolls Royce         一台のロールスロイスを
-- keep it           それを保持して下さい
until             …まで
the loan is          そのローンが…である
paid off            完済される
-- here are          ここに…があります
the keys."           その鍵(複数)

The loan officer        そのローン担当の幹部は
promptly            即座に
has the car          その車に…させる
driven             運転された
into              …の中へ
the bank's           その銀行の
underground parking      地下の駐車場
for safe keeping,       安全な保持のため
and gives the man       そしてその男性に手渡す
$2,000.            2千ドルを

Three weeks later       3週間後
the man comes         男性は来る
into the bank,         その銀行の中へと
pays back           払い戻す
the $2,000 loan,        例の2千ドルのローンを
plus $10 interest,       プラス10ドルの金利を
and regains          そして取り戻す
possession           所有を
of the Rolls Royce.      例のロールスロイスの
The loan officer asks     ローン担当の幹部は尋ねる
him,              彼に
"Sir,             お客様(→意訳)
if               もし
I may ask,           私が聞いてもよろしい(なら)
why              なぜ
would a man (※)       ある男性が…だったでしょうか?
who drives a Rolls Royce    その人はロールスロイスを運転する
need              必要である
to borrow           借りるよう
two thousand dollars?"    2千ドルを?

The man answers,        その男性は答える
"I had to go          私は行かねばならなかった
to Europe           ヨーロッパへ
for three weeks,        3週間
and              そして
where else           他のどこで
could I store         私は保管できただろう?
a Rolls Royce         ロールスロイスを
for that long         そんなに長い間
for ten dollars?"       10ドルで



Posted by Junichi Kawagoe on 27.2009 英語のジョーク English Jokes   0 comments   0 trackback
A man had just started his own business, so there was not a really business going on.
However, he wanted to show off the business is really good to his prospects.
Then, he pretended to talk on the phone for a business when he saw a guy entering his office
"Hi, thank you very much.
I will do process this deal."
A man:"Hi, there.
I came here to connect yoru phone! (LOL) "





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Author:Junichi Kawagoe
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